Encouragement and motivation..

Encouragement and motivation... what's the difference?
Between climbing mountain and settling down with the girl I love just seem equally tempting and difficult to achieve...

But I have to be honest climbing mountain give me the trill as I risk my life to achieve something and often I don't think it is something that I can achieve in Singapore easily, it also best test my limit and capability which I have always wanted to know and also building up my confident...It a kind of sensational achievement that I want to feel before I can settle down and get on with life again... words isn't enough to prove me anything...

I guess I'm just a stubborn head that I don't listen to word easily but instead want to experience it and see it for myself...I have the knowledge but lack the experience...

The girl I have always loved and wanna settle down with is seriously endearing...I can't find word to describe the feeling I had for the past few years...But it seems this lack of confident is really what matters to me a lot..=( I tried to plan event to test myself... but it isn't sensational enough... I went to find more friends so to feel how capable I am... but it fail and instead backfired...when I really seems to lost everything...masochist seem to take over and I want to achieve sometime with physical pain and hard work...

But no one really encouraged me and motivated me to go for mountain scaling ... I'm scared of death as well... I am, of course scared to be alone and lost... but it just seems to be a great and pressuring achievement on myself..

I doubt she would forgive me after so long...

I doubt my ability within this short time before NS...

I doubt so many thing...

And I have a question... should I think so much now or just do what I have initially started...
what come next maybe challenging and with undoubtedly messy...probably I would have more than enough time to think as I scale the Nepal's mountain alone...